That One Day I Cried During Yoga
Early one morning not too long ago I had just hit publish on a personal blog post on my photography website telling the world that I would be starting yoga teacher training in 2018. Holy cow. Not only was the post incredibly hard to write, but I was terrified to actually push publish and share. Why? Because by putting it out there officially it meant that it was actually going to happen. Gulp.
I’m beyond excited to start this new chapter of my life and yoga journey, but I’m also scared. It’s all of my self-doubt bubbling back up like it always does when I’m facing big change in my life. Thoughts like “What if I suck at teaching? What if no one wants to come to my classes? What if I’m not emotionally, mentally and physically tough to make it through training? What if I fail?” all came rushing back as I was trying to get the words out.
Right after I published the post, I went one step further to share it on social media, because why not throw myself totally off the ledge and make sure everyone and their mom (literally) knows what I’m doing with my life? Then I headed out the door to restorative yoga class for some deep stretching and stress relief to try to calm myself the hell down after mildly freaking out from sharing my truth and what I really wanted to do with my life.
I walked into class, rested on my mat and waited for the instructor Jenny to begin. Sometimes when I’m in yoga I feel like they are mind readers and know EXACTLY what I need that day. Yeah, I know – there are about 20+ other yogis in the room who are probably feeling the same way, but sometimes it’s crazy how loud the message is and how much I need to hear it.
Jenny opened our practice by saying we would be spending the entire session on our backs (hell yes!) and that we would be working through the seven chakras. The chakras weren’t a new concept to me as I had been to a few classes before where we either focused on one specific chakra or briefly touched them all. However, that day was a completely different experience. We worked through each one slowly, moving into a pose that complemented each chakra and worked to open us up. The first four felt good—I felt relaxed, open and really at peace.
When we got to the fifth chakra, the throat chakra, I felt this intense rush of emotion instantly. It’s incredibly hard to describe, but I felt this major rush of relief—like I was finally accepting and letting go. Then I started to cry. Like, tears-streaming-down-my-face-I-hope-no-one-is-looking-at-me-right-now ugly cry. It was crazy, but it felt so damn good to open up and just let it go and to finally release it. I was almost as equally emotional during the next chakra, the third eye chakra, and kept on crying—and at that point I didn’t care and just let it happen. The seventh chakra was peaceful. I stopped crying (finally) and was able to have one of the most restful shavasanas of my life. Usually I’m thinking of everything BUT resting during that pose but that day I was able to just rest and reflect on the experience I just had.
I got home, looked up the chakras and couldn’t believe it when I looked up the fifth and sixth charka meanings. The throat chakra represents our ability to communicate and express ourselves and is affected by communication, self-expression of feelings, speaking the truth and holding secrets. WHAT. Come on. Clearly by finally sharing my truth with the world by finally hitting publish and letting go of fear I was opening up and releasing. The sixth chakra is the third eye chakra and relates to our ability to focus on and see the big picture and is affected by our intuition, imagination, wisdom and our ability to think and make decisions. Huh?! I guess I really needed to write that post, to share it, to head to class that day and to finally let go of fear and live the life that I want to live.
Why am I sharing all of this with you now when I could have kept this to myself? Well that wouldn't be connecting and opening myself up to others, would it? And honestly, if it helps inspire just one person out there in the universe to fully go after the things they want and tell the world about it so it holds them accountable and forces them to actually do it, so be it. Besides, I survived, and so will you.
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